Today – via one of the many email things I have forgotten that I signed up to – I was offered the chance to stay at a rather plush hotel for a third of the usual price. Usually the room costs £300 but because of this “unbelievable offer” I could get it for £95 and, having looked at the website, I have seen how beautiful it really is. There is a spa and a stunning restaurant but, way more attractive than either of those, there is a four-poster bed in the room and a bottle of chilled champagne upon arrival. The catch – and there’s always a catch – is that the offer needs to be taken advantage of within three months. Although that does mean a guaranteed night of romance before the New Year.

Champagne Romance

At this point you’re probably thinking, “Why are you even hesitating about this? Buy it!” You may also be thinking, “Have I left my hair straighteners on?”, in which case the answer is “No”. The amount of times I have gone out with a girlfriend in the past and had to turn the car around so she can check such a thing, only to find she’d turned them off in the first place. So you probably haven’t left them on at all. Actually, it is always best to check, isn’t it? Just to be safe. Sorry, I digress…

If you were beginning to wonder why I haven’t snapped up the deal, allow me to explain.

This deal is for two people. It is billed as being “an ideal, romantic get away for any couple” and I – being someone who’s single – am single. That would usually be enough for me to think that the deal wasn’t meant for me. The thing is: I also really love a bargain. I think it’s genetic. Some of my earliest recollections from childhood are of my Mum searching for the 2-4-1 offers in Presto (Presto!!!). When I moved out of home and my parents were sending me off into the “big, wide world” my Mum made sure to tell me to “keep an eye out for a bargain when you do the shopping”. It isn’t just genetic on my maternal side either. My Nan, my Dad’s Mum, used to be the Queen of Bargains and she was forever cutting out vouchers for something or other. I can remember going to her house and my Grandad couldn’t get his car in the garage because she’d stocked it with so much half price Persil. During one family get together each member of her brood left with 2 cans of tuna because, as Nan said at the time, “they were buy one get one free but I don’t like tuna”. I think I was about 9 when that happened and it still makes me laugh now.

So, despite the fact that this romantic break isn’t meant for singletons, it clearly IS meant for people who love a bargain. That means I clearly AM going to snap it up. Which leaves me with just one question: Who, if anyone, do I take with me?

One option is to go alone. I have stayed on my own in hotel rooms many times before and I do enjoy the independence of living on my own. I think we all enjoy a little peace and quiet from time to time, don’t we? I’m no different and although I am a very sociable person, I do enjoy having “me time”. Although by “me time” I mean having a glass of wine and catching up on Grey’s Anatomy. Having a four-poster bed with chilled champagne and a candlelit meal for one is, perhaps, getting a little carried away. In fact it feels like something they’d do in a film where the two lovers begin to realise that they miss each other. To the sounds of a Leona Lewis tune. It hasn’t taken me long to conclude that turning up on my own to a romantic break is a bit of a no-no.

That leaves option two: ask someone who I quite like to go with me. The trouble with that is it’s a little bit forward for a first date. The second problem being, there isn’t anyone that I can think I’d like to ask out. I have only asked out 2 girls in the past year. Don’t get me wrong, I have been on dates and what-not, it’s just that I haven’t had that feeling of a “crush” too often in the past 2 years. You know, that feeling you get at school where you lay awake thinking of the person you want to ask out and dreaming up various scenarios. You got that too, right? Guys don’t really talk about this, do we…? Anyway, whatever, there isn’t anyone like that right now so that cancels that option. (You did do that as well, didn’t you? I wasn’t just a weird teen, was I..??)

Before I reveal the final option it is probably worth mentioning that I am one of those people who has “a type”. In my defence, I have never thought that I actually have “a type”. My friends tend to disagree and, having listed the people I have gone out with in the past, it turns out I probably do have a type. In fact I’ll come clean; I do have a type. Now we know that, we can look at that last resort.

The final option – Option 3 – is this: to frantically go up to random girls who fit the description of “my type” and ask them out in what can only be described as a race against time. By the law of averages one girl is eventually going to agree to go on a date with me, isn’t she? I’d hope so, anyway. Let’s just say that’s the case. On that first date we will both determine whether or not we want to see each other again. Should things go well then we shall agree to go on another date (to Monkey Forest – I’ll explain about that another time) and so on… By now we will have a true feeling of whether or not we want to take this romance further. Of course, if we decide that we don’t, I shall have to start all over again from the beginning. Only I will have even less time to find someone!!!

With that in mind, Here’s What I Have Learnt Today… romance is priceless. I can think of nothing more romantic than spending the night in a plush hotel and sharing a bottle of champagne on a four-poster bed with someone you are falling in love with.

That said, contrary to the idyllic vision of my dream night, what I have actually described is that I am thinking about hunting for a woman I don’t know so I can take her for a cheap night and get her drunk in the hope that she’ll sleep in my bed. It doesn’t really have that same sense of L’Amour, does it?

Having looked at all my options I think I will leave the hotel offer for now and, who knows, maybe it’ll come back around when I’ve met someone I genuinely want to share it with. In the meantime, I shall keep an eye on the special offers in my inbox. In fact, only yesterday I was offered half price colonic irrigation. Now that is definitely something which is ideally suited for “me time”.