Last night I could not get to sleep for the life of me. As I lay wide-awake, various thoughts came into my head, as they tend to do.

One of these thoughts was a pilot for a new TV sitcom. Fortunately I wrote it down. Commissioners, feel free to clamber.

You’ll Like It, Not Allotment

Paul Daniels fights to win over fellow gardeners as he uses magic to create award winning produce. Rival land users set about proving that his prize marrow is really a painted Debbie McGee, dressed in a costume she made herself out of green crepe paper & cotton wool. In an ironically conclusive sub-plot, the local Women’s Institute mistakenly awards first prize to a home-grown plum in its annual homemade fashions contest.

NOTE – Every episode Paul Daniels misguidedly attempts to endear himself to other allotment users by approaching them and saying, “Are these root vegetables ripe for picking? Say yes, pull.”

Strange how the mind wand-ers, isn’t it?