When it comes to horoscopes, I would have to say that I’m of the opinion that “there is something in it”. I would also have to say I am a Pisces. This is because I am a Pisces. Pisces is a water sign and I am currently drinking water as I type this. Far from being a coincidence, I am actually doing this for two reasons. Firstly, because it is 28 degrees outside – probably hotter in my study – and water is nice. Secondly, because I want you to believe me and I think that drinking water serves as adequate ID. Or “aquaquate ID.” No, that doesn’t work, does it..?

My friend – we’ll call her Helen because that’s what her parents have called her from birth – text me one day and suggested I sign up to a daily horoscope. I can’t recall the reason she suggested it but, as I trust Hel in pretty much everything, I agreed. So every day I receive two horoscopes – one about “Life” and one about “Love”. The first horoscope about “Life” is the one I choose to believe or dismiss depending on what news is within. For example, today’s stated, “Today, Al, you will want to go for a run outside and then, maybe, carry out some household chores”. In actual fact, I didn’t want to go for a run outside and, definitely, I didn’t want to do any chores. As I have stated, it is 28 degrees outside and I rarely want to run in “normal” temperatures, let alone hot ones. Added to that my cottage is like a greenhouse (by which I mean it’s hot not that it’s got tomato plants growing in it or my Grandad sneaking in for a crafty cigarette), I have dismissed today’s “Life” horoscope as “Wide Of The Mark”. Or “Piffle”, because I like that word.

Each day’s “Love” horoscope is of more interest to me. I am always curious to see what the day will hold in store concerning my love life. Usually it is quite generic and I feel I can get by with the possibility of it coming true. Today’s, however, was a little more specific. Today’s caused me to raise an eyebrow. Then both eyebrows. Then open my mouth. Today’s “Love” horoscope made me facially active. Today’s said this:

“Your current love partner may be having doubts about the future of your relationship. If you want the relationship to continue, a little honest and serious communication is definitely called for. However, it might not be a good idea to try it today. The astral configuration indicates that the right words just might not come up, and you might succeed only in creating misunderstandings and/or looking foolish. Wait until tomorrow.”

No! I didn’t want to hear this! My current love partner is having doubts? If my current love partner is having doubts, why haven’t they told me about this!?! Why has it taken an internet-based horoscope to inform me that the future of my relationship is hanging by a thread? More to the point, WHO is my current love partner?!?!!? As far as I have been aware, certainly prior to this morning’s revelation, I am a single man. I go to bed alone, I wake up alone. I usually never cook for more than one person and all the washing I do is my own. When I go shopping, I only buy male deodorant or food that I like to eat. If I am in a relationship I can see why my partner would be having doubts. After all, what I have just described is extremely selfish behaviour.

The main focus of this revelation is the word “love”. I don’t even have a current partner (or so I thought) so to be informed that I have a “current love partner” shocked me a bit. I would feel safe in saying that you, like I, probably know how many times you have been in love or, at the very least, when you have thought you were. I think it is even safer to suggest that if you thought you were single, you probably weren’t in love. That said, I am no expert when it comes to relationships. I have been in love 3 times in my life and I am pretty sure I know who that has been with. I won’t mention names but, even as I type, I can see their names and faces in my head and, of the three girls I have been in love with, none of them are “current” love partners. One is married, one is engaged and the last loving relationship I was in ended in October 2008. I’m not sure what the measurement for “current” is but I’d say nearly 2 years isn’t “current”.

So, that leaves only one question. Who IS my “current love partner”? I have been wracking my brains and, I’ll be honest, I can see why she may be having doubts about our future. I didn’t even know about our present until this morning! Oh no, I hope it’s not her birthday? What if yesterday was her birthday and that’s why she is having doubts because, if it was, I almost certainly missed it. Even worse, what if we were due to get married today and that is the reason it wouldn’t be good to try to get in touch? It’ll all still be too raw, too soon. I can’t bear the thought of her upset, not on her special day. It’s the day all “current love partners” dream of, isn’t it? If I have ruined that for her, well, I can’t bear to think about it.

Maybe I should pay attention to my “Love” stars on this occasion. Maybe I shouldn’t try to get in touch with my “current love interest” right away. My horoscope’s advice seems wise – “Wait until tomorrow”. Yes, they’re right, that is what I shall do. I think that will be best for both myself and my “current love partner” because, after all, things always seem clearer after a good night’s sleep, don’t they?