Someone once said, “The only true wisdom is in knowing that you know nothing”. I don’t know who said it but I like it. Also, the fact that I’m admitting to not knowing who said it means I am quite wise. Although the fact that I have just said that I am wise proves that I am, in actual fact, not wise. And so it continues…
The reason I chose that quotation to get a little wrapped up and lost in is because the other night I was having a conversation with friends about marriage and, when it comes to marriage, I really don’t know where I stand. By which I mean I don’t know where I stand on the issue of marriage. Obviously, if I were the groom, I’d know where to stand physically. I would stand at the front. I know that because I saw it on telly once.
NO, what I mean is this: I don’t know if I want to get married or not!?!
Don’t get me wrong; as an institution I am all for marriage. As one, big, special day, I am all for marriage. I LOVE going to weddings. My parents have been married since their wedding and next week they are going on holiday, together, as a married couple. I absolutely love that they are happily married. I think, because I wasn’t around at the time, it all feels a bit like a fairytale story that they can share. I also love that there are photos of the big day. Especially as my Dad is wearing 70s fashions and they’re always amusing (my Mum, who got married to my Dad on the same day, looks timeless).
I can accept that you may obviously think I am scared of commitment but that isn’t why I question whether or not marriage is for me. I am currently single but if I found someone I thought was my soul mate then I would happily commit to them forever and ever, amen.
I’ll admit in the past that commitment may have been an issue. However, in the past, I was young and silly. Now I am older and silly. These days I don’t have that same curiosity I had when I was in my early/mid twenties and wondering what I’d be missing out on. I am quite happy to say that, if I met someone tomorrow and I wanted to be with them, I’d be fine with that. In fact, between you and me, I’d quite like it. I’d even go as far as to say I’d be happy!
So lack of commitment isn’t the reason why I am unsure about marriage. I love the romance of a wedding day. I love the idea that a wedding day is like a Disney film filled with friends and family, doves and dwarves (maybe not the dwarves) and a beautiful, blushing bride and a buffet with cold meats and cheese. I love that idea. If it were as simple as that then I wouldn’t be questioning myself on the whole wedding thing.
The thing is, I know it’s not like that. I know that an actual wedding takes months of planning. I know that you have to organise a venue, to make sure you invite the right people and don’t offend the ones you don’t invite, to panic that the caterers are going to turn up on the right day… I am getting stressed just thinking about it.
In the naive dream world that I inhabit in single land I like to think you meet someone, fall in love and then make the rest of your lives together as carefree and fun as possible. I would love the idea of a wedding if you could just click your fingers and it was done. Like when Mary Poppins cleans the children’s room whilst singing “A Spoonful Of Sugar”. If Mary Poppins was a wedding planner life would be so much easier.
I happen to know people who are married (I’m just showing off now) and, although they’re happy, I remember the stresses of organising the wedding. Actually, right there, I think that’s where I have the issue. The word “organising“. I live in a naive dream world where everything should be spontaneous, carefree and slightly random. You organise car insurance, taxes, and food cupboards; unless I am missing something, none of those things are romantic. Not unless you REALLY love food cupboards.
I DO want that big day; for the bride I haven’t met yet more than for myself. I think my problem (and I’m willing to admit it is a problem) is that life isn’t like a Disney film. Ideally we’d meet – she’d look like Emmanuelle Chriqui with the personality of Cameron Diaz – and we’d fall in love. Then, I’d propose, we’d have a party, we’d have a meal the night before the wedding, we’d have an amazing wedding day and then we’d start our lives together. Just like that, all edited together without months of worrying about dress alterations or if any guests had shellfish allergies.
There is also the stress of choosing a best man. If I do get married one day (it would be during the day, I’d imagine) then I have already got a list of 7 potential Best Men. Or 9, if you’re allowed a female Best Man (I think that’s allowed. It is my wedding, after all). So I’d need to “organise” those into 1 person.
Why can’t two people meet, fall in love and continue that way forever and ever, amen? Aside from my parents, the happiest couple I know are Ma and Pa Larkin from “The Darling Buds Of May” and they’re not married. Admittedly they’re not real either, but they are happy.
So, Here’s What I Have Learnt Today… when it comes to my opinion on whether or not I want to get married – I am none the wiser!
I suppose, being single, it isn’t anything I have to worry about at the moment anyway. When I do meet someone who I want to commit to, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. That is, of course, if they live across a bridge. In fact, if they do, I shall suggest we do get married after all and we can use the bridge as an aisle. I’ll stand in the middle of the bridge and she can join me from her side. It’ll be a beautiful symbolisation of unionism. Then we can set off for the reception on a boat which will sail us down the river underneath our bridge. People can throw confetti from above.
Awww, come to think of it, it turns out I am looking forward to getting married after all.