Here’s What I Have Learnt Today: Bedding Can Cause Upset

Hi, I hope you are well and happy today?

Please allow me to state some rather self-indulgent facts (well, it is my blog, after all).

I am a single man and I live alone in my little cottage by the canal. Both of these facts I am very happy with. I go out whenever I want, I come home whenever I want and I often apologise to friends I have invited around when I have gone out because I forgot they were coming over, whenever I want. Don’t get me wrong, if I were to fall in love tomorrow and decided to share my life with that person, I would be very happy to share my house with them. However, as that’s not yet the situation, I am happy with the current, alternative situation which is, as you may have noticed, living on my own.

There are other advantages of living on my own. Smaller things. The contents of my fridge are the things I have bought and know, pretty much for certain, that I’ll probably like. My house is always as tidy when I come home as it was when I went out. I do all my own cleaning – I enjoy cleaning – so I know where I have tidied things away… you get the picture. Essentially, anything that happens in my house is down to me. The one thing about this is that there are never any surprises. Or so I thought…

Later on today, I have a guest coming over. With this in mind, I thought I’d have a quick clean around and change the bedding. Now, if you’ve been perceptive, you’ll notice that I live alone, ergo, all the clothes in my wash basket are mine and mine alone. So, knowing this little formula has always worked and never caused any form of astonishment, I went to the wash basket. There, under a few shirts and the odd item of underwear – all easily recognisable to me as mine – was my bedding (there are fewer things more reassuring in life than knowing your bedding is exactly where you expected your bedding to be). I lifted the duvet cover, the sheet and the pillow cases into my other wash basket. Hold on…

… going slightly off track here. If The Wash Basket is the place where you put your dirty clothes when you take them off, what is the basket called that you put your clothes in to transfer them from The Wash Basket to The Washing Machine? Wash Basket 2? Hmmm…

So, with all my washing in WB2, I had a cheeky look to see if I had missed anything (admittedly, it wasn’t a “cheeky look”. It was just “a look” but I live on my own and try to make things more fun than they should be). It was then that I noticed… BRIGHT PINK PYJAMA BOTTOMS!!

This was a shock! In all the time I have lived on my own, I have never owned, worn or even seen Bright Pink Pyjama Bottoms. “These aren’t mine!”, I thought out loud (sometimes I do that in case there are burglars and they get tricked into replying, therefore giving their game away). Upon closer inspection of The Wash Basket I also discovered… A BRIGHT PINK PYJAMA TOP!

As you’d expect, my initial reaction was, “Wow, what a well-coordinated outfit for sleep!” Then my second reaction was, “Hold on, I don’t own these pink pyjamas. Top or bottoms.”

So, to coin a phrase from Dragon’s Den which really isn’t relevant in any way to this tale, “Here’s where I’m at.” I am sat in my kitchen, bright pink pyjamas in my wash basket and with no knowledge whatsoever as to who they belong to. I genuinely don’t know what to do with them. Two thoughts keep cropping into my mind:

1) Somewhere there is a girl attempting to sleep at night but trying to figure out why she is colder than usual.

2) I am now responsible for Orphan Pyjamas. That is a BIG responsibility. To be honest, even though I am a Godfather 3 times over, I am not sure I am yet able to cope with the responsibility of Orphan Pyjamas.

So, here is what I shall do. In a few minutes I am going to log on to the local newspaper’s website and post this ad:

“Free to a caring home – Bright Pink Pyjamas. Ideally suited to someone who likes pink. And pyjamas. 1 previous owner (although I’m not entirely sure who).”

I hope that will be the end to it because, in all honesty, it’s made washing more stressful than it really needs to be.

In fact, Here’s What I Have Learnt Today: When it comes to bedding, be careful who you wash for!